A New Kind of Homesickness: A Christian Californian Purdue Student Nomad and Her Ponderings

On May 25th, I was getting in my car after my second visit to a new church in Chicagoland. I’m new to the area and just here for the summer while I work an internship. I was feeling thankful for the fact that it is a gospel-preaching church, it is small, and the members have been friendly. But when I was comparing it to my home churches, something felt missing. I realized that it was my sense of belonging. 

It was similar when I strolled through the Wheaton College campus the day before. The area was beautiful, like walking through a postcard. I am wildly jealous of the classes that my Wheaton friend gets to take. But for some reason, the atmosphere didn’t feel as friendly as Purdue University. I didn’t feel a belonging.

Sitting in the car that Sunday, I felt a strong wave of homesickness—but it wasn’t for my family and church in California. It was specifically for Purdue and my church family there.

A New Kind of Homesickness

This feeling was strange, because what I’m used to is: 

1. Being at Purdue and feeling homesick for California in the middle of a semester that is lasting forever. 
2. Being overwhelmed by college life, friendships, and anxieties, and wanting the belonging that comes with just existing with my family.
3. Being in California and missing specific things about Purdue (my friends, walking, classes, autonomy, etc.), but not specifically missing the belonging that I have there.

Every time I venture to a new place—whether it is a massive public university in the cornfields of Indiana, a flat on the eighth story of a tower in London, or even just returning to my chaotic household in California—I gain a new sense of perspective. 

Often, the change in location fulfills a desire that I had before. When I go to college, I suddenly gain more privacy and alone time, a schedule full of interesting studies and activities, and more time outdoors, walking through campus. 

At the same time, the change in location always creates new desires. My college environment creates a new hole in my heart. I want to hug my siblings. I want to pet my dog.

It is not until I step away from a location that I truly realize how beautiful it is. Living in London, I realized how much I value Christian community. Living in Christian bubbles, I realize how much I value getting to hear other perspectives.

Ever Grateful

Being away makes me really grateful for the sense of belonging that I have found with my Purdue Christian fellowship, Salt & Light. I think back to when I was a freshman, displaced and nervous that I would have to settle for a church that didn’t feel like home, and where I couldn’t 100% trust the pastors like I trusted the pastors at my home church.

But despite all these fears, the first church I walked into felt like home. These were my people. The sermons were taught like they were at my California church. I had new friends to sit with.

I’m realizing how special and unique it was that God provided me with that experience at that time. This first church visit experience is not something He gives everyone, and it is not something He has promised to always give to me. Now I am extra thankful for how He provided that for me at Purdue and in London.

Ever True

One thing I know is that belonging never comes in an instant. The belonging I have at Purdue (at the college, at my church there, and in my fellowship specifically) is something that has developed over the three years. Even as a junior, I sometimes felt out of place, or some sort of anxiety under the surface, even when hanging out with my closest friends. I’m sure that I’ll continue to develop a deeper belonging as a senior.

In light of that fact, I want to be fully invested in whatever place I’m living in, whether I feel that belonging right now or not. I want to be fully committed to serving and loving others in the opportunities that I have. I want to trust that the belonging will come later, even if I don’t feel it now.

I am often tempted to focus on what I don’t have. But what if I focus on gratitude, instead? What if I put aside plans for the future, and I decide to be present?

To My Purdue Family

To my Purdue family: I love you and miss you!

It amazes me that I only have one year left at Purdue. I’m looking forward to being back, but I already feel sad about leaving. I want to savor every moment of my final year.

To My Heavenly Father

I am so grateful for the opportunities to visit different places and for the constant reminder that Earth is not my home. These “homes” I have found can often come so close to being perfect for me, yet I find that I am so far from total satisfaction. It reminds me of this quote …

“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” — C.S. Lewis.

Father, I am so looking forward to going Home. ❤️